When the kids asked me earlier on, if I wanted to make this story into a blog post I declined. But that was before the encore...
As a night porter it is my job to kick everyone out at 11 pm who doesn't stay here, as in guests' friends or former longtermers visiting their old pals. But it also means that I have to try to keep people from sneaking into the hostel, thinking they could crash here for free or hook up with their latest pub/club conquest.
There are several reasons for this. The biggest reason is simply health and safety. Every guest has to sign into a book, so we can keep track of, who is here and which bed they are in. In case there should ever be a fire we can easily track who made it out and who didn't. Sounds horrible, I know. And imagine that scenario and we had more bodies than people from our register missing. We'd be fucked!
Of course it also is just plain bold sneaking in and trying to get free accommodation. As hard as it sounds but we are trying to run a business here!
So tonight one of our guests came home with a girl. He has been staying here for a while so I new his face, but didn't recognize her so I asked her for her ticket (it's a little card that proves that they are staying here) and it turned out he had give her his ticket, trying to sneak her in. BUSTED! I told her, that she couldn't be here after 11 pm and that she had to leave. When she asked, if she could use the loo, I told her she could, but that if she wasn't out of the hostel in 10 minutes, I would come and find her and kick her out.
10 minutes went by and there was no trace of her, so I went looking. They weren't in his room or bed, there was no one in the fire exit, so the last possibility was the bathroom. This hostel doesn't have many places you could hide in. Sure enough when I entered the boys bathroom I heard voices out of one of the cubicles. I banged against the door, telling them that she had to get out of the hostel or I would call the cops. That threat works every time.
Of course she tried to make up all kinds of excuses why they were together in the cubicle in the boys' bathroom. Yep, I am sure all you guys did is talk.
On her way out of the hostel, she complained that this wasn't a nice hostel and so on. I am sorry, but if I tell you that you are not allowed to be here and that all you could do was pee and then get out, and you lock yourself in the bathroom with your new boytoy than NO, I am not fucking nice!
Some of my kids (that's what I call other longtermers) had heard what was going and were now sitting in the reception area and as soon as I was done escorting them out, they burst into giggles. It didn't help when they went for a smoke and found the condom he obviously had lost on the stairs... more laughter.
Of course no one would look at him or even talk to him, when he came back... who knows where they went to shag...too awkward.
That was the main act, and I thought at that point it was all of the excitement, one night could bring. But I was wrong.
One of my other jobs is to clean the common areas of the hostel: kitchen, lounge and bathrooms. No problem, I've done that a few hundred times but guess who was sleeping in one of the showers? Yep, boytoy (he seems to have knack for bathrooms)!
At first I thought it was someone else, because there had been two really drunk boys and I was concerned one of them might puke. So woke him up to find out, if he was so drunk he worried about puking or if he just had locked himself out. Imagine my shock when it turned out to be boytoy! He of course wasn't happy to see me either, he was probably still pissed at me for cock blocking him and on top of that I woke him up. Buy he'll thank me in the morning, because he won't have a stiff neck or a sore back from sleeping on the hard floor in the way to short shower cabin.
An even if he is pissed off with me now, I was just doing my job buddy!
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